Docket Full of Codfish Wait, What?
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: Why in the world was there a docket for codfish? Oreius wasn't going to stop until he found out.


Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't...

Summary: Why in the world was there a docket for codfish? Oreius wasn't going to stop until he found out.

A/N: This story was requested by trustingHim17 and is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe. This story is based on the suggestion for something involving parchment, Kat, mischievous a request for "Tame" to be expanded and an observation that Oreius was sorely overdue for a prank. Enjoy!

**Docket Full of Codfish; Wait, What?**

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I thumbed through the papers then grinned. Yes, these would get just the reaction I wanted. I giggled then hurried to the Kentauri's study. He was still in the training yard torturing, excuse me, _training_ Peter and Edmund and Tarrin by making them visit the points of the compass then do a suicide run then visit the points of the compass again. Somehow, I was responsible for the suicide run (no idea how I got involved in this) but the points of the compass was all Oreius being a grumpy General. Possibly had something to do with Tarrin losing his footing on a patch of ice and crashing into Edmund who crashed into Peter who crashed into and injured Oreius. It was just a cut to his left foreleg, fortunately for Peter; otherwise, I would be obligated to do something to him for injuring my betrothed. Leaving the papers in the third report down on the stack, I slipped back out and tried not to look too happy about my latest delinquent activity (I have learned to embrace or re-embrace this side of my personality). Of course, considering what was in the papers, I should make myself scarce.

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I muttered under my breath as I went through the reports. Those colts. Had they learned nothing about being aware of their surroundings? And then to be gasping for breath before they even began the second visit to the points of the compass. I shook my head and made a note to focus the colts' training on endurance exercises for the next fortnight. And Alambiel… I didn't know what that little minx was plotting but I never should have let it slip that her attempt at a prank last week was tame.

Picking up a report from one of the scouts at the Lone Islands, I mused that I should ensure my armor was safely stored away in my own quarters. The minx might trespass on the armory any time she chose or set up a prank in my quarters when it was daylight or I was away but she wouldn't do anything at night. I opened the report and froze. By the Lion, what was…?

_To Sir General Oreius Cyneward of Narnia,_

_Greetings!_

_We at Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod were most staggered to receive your order, but that's not to say we would not and will not be delighted to fulfill such an order, naturally. Since you were most efficient in filling the required paperwork associated with such an order, we at Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod are most delighted to inform you that we have been able to include a completed list of the elements of your order in the following docket (with the official total included as well). _

_We at Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod were most pleased to have participated in business with you._

_Sincerely,_

_Mister Blynken of Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_

I read the letter again then turned to the docket.

_Order for Sir General Oreius Cyneward of Narnia:_

_Thirty trebuchets _

_Twenty-five arbalests _

_Sixteen catapults_

_Fifteen battering rams_

_Sixty boulders_

_Fifty-five barrels of arbalest bolts_

_Forty barrels of pitch_

_Thirty-five barrels of fine duck feathers_

_Two hundred burlap sacks_

_And forty-seven smoked codfish _

_P.S. The total for the items and shipping to arrive two days after you receive this letter comes to the amount of thirty-five hundred Lions, seven hundred Trees, and fourteen Crowns._

_P.P.S. Again our most generous appreciations for doing business with Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod. _

_Ever Sincerely,_

_Mister Blynken of Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_

No. "SEPPHORA!" Still clenching the letter and docket, I burst into the hall and roared, "Where is she?"

That little, lunatic, madcap, insane pest of a minx! When I found her- I slammed a hoof against the marble floor then galloped for her favored hideaways. She was not going to escape this time.

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I looked up as the doors slammed into the walls. It seemed Oreius had discovered the incriminating parchment. "SEPPHORA!"

I bit my lip to keep snickering and giving away my chosen hiding spot. Oreius was in such a state that I doubted he noticed the library was occupied by the Four and Thalia. I watched him as he stalked past the aisles, jaw clenched and a towering essence of doom was emanating from him. Oh I really pushed his buttons this time. The smallest of giggles escaped me and not a moment later a very terse voice of doom called up to me, "Sepphora. Come down here at once."

"Do you mean at once as in don't delay for anything? Or do you mean at once as in go ahead and take a two-minute delay?"

He growled. Then the sound of an iron-shod hoof slamming against the floor echoed loudly through the library. "Do not delay."

Well, he asked for it. "All right." A moment later, I jumped off the towering shelf. My breath escaped me in a rush when Oreius caught me. He was still glowering. I smiled and pecked his cheek. "I knew you wouldn't let me fall."

He didn't even soften an inch. I was in for it now. He let me down with a tad more brusqueness than usual. And then he held up a severely crumpled piece of parchment and a docket. He was this close to squeezing the ink right off the pages. "What did you do? Why would you do this? Contacting these Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod in my name! Sepphora! Putting into place such an order! How many times have I told you no catapults or trebuchets?"

"Well, I sort of lost track and-"

"No! You will write at once to these Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod and tell them there was a mistake."

I bit my lip. "But, they've already put so much work into-"

"Sepphora!"

A hesitant voice cut in, "Did you say Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod?"

I leaned to the left, far left of the seething Centaur and spied the Four and Thalia (peeking over Peter's shoulder) watching us. Thalia looked concerned and confused but the Four looked concerned and mostly amused. I twisted the betrothal ring resting on my left forefinger as Oreius took a deep breath to compose himself then handed the tormented sheets of parchment to Peter. His eyes widened as he scanned the words that had so infuriated the Kentauri. "Kat, what are you going to do with forty-seven smoked codfish?"

"I was going to use a catapult or trebuchet to send them through Edmund's bedroom windows. Why else?"

Edmund's jaw dropped. "You're insane! Why would you do that?"

"Well, I thought it would be a nice change from the frogs your Wolves shower you with but I could probably add a barrel or two of live frogs. Remus and Romulus would be entertained at least."

Oreius shot a glare over his shoulder. "You will do no such thing, Dame Sepphora. You will, however, write to Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod to inform them of the error. Narnia has no interest in this order."

"I don't think she can do that," Edmund said, wiping his smirk away a moment too late.

"What do you mean, Sir How?"

Oh that was the scary General voice. I had wondered if I still remembered it rightly… Nope, it was more intimidating than I recalled. I started sneaking around Oreius as he focused in on the no-longer-smiling Kings. Peter cleared his throat. "Ed's right."

I had almost crept past him when Susan gently broke the news, "Oreius, Wynken, Blynken, and Nod are characters in a children's story from Spare Oom."

Lucy giggled. "And look what Kat wrote on the back."

I probably shouldn't have written that. Oreius snatched the docket. "Messrs Wynken, Blynken, and Nod have sailed away in their wooden shoe. I enjoyed this list, didn't you?"

I definitely should not have written that. "Move!" Lucy and Susan jumped over by the others and I raced by them. As Oreius' furious shout filled the air, I had a feeling I was about to be introduced to the sea in Snowbrice. When he finally chased me out of the Cair and down to the snowy beach, I turned and cautiously backed away from him. "Be honest, Oreius, was it the smoked codfish that pushed you over the edge?"

He looked at me and answered in an utterly calm voice (this couldn't be good), "No. It was most definitely _you_, Sepphora."

Uh-oh. I turned to run only for Oreius to spring forward and then without so much as by your leave he threw me into the ocean. And let me tell you something that water was bloody cold! Still, he never claimed my pranks were tame again…and he brought me flowers and soup to apologize afterward before we played three games of chess (I was a good fiancée and let him win two of them).

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! I laughed so hard while writing this one, my cheeks are still hurting. I hope you've laughed too. :D Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this one. **


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